Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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