I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
