Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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