i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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