nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
