I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
