Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
