You're my little dorito
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
