i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
