So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
