i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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