I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
