Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is Oprah even human
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
