ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
