if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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