I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize