the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
