Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
