Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize