Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
