I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
