I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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