I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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