who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
