i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
