i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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