shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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