The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're breaking my sexual little heart
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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