Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
