I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
