Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
