never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
