i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
