Your dad touched me again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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