So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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