my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
