it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
