people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize