Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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