Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
