Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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