I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
pop tarts are not kleenex
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
