At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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