party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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