Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
