I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
