I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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