I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
