Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
