well I can't set my house on fire every night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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