the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
