I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
