am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
