You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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