i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
