I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
