none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
