She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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