I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's the barista slut.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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