i don't like sucking hair
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
