Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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