I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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