What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
