There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize