i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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