While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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