...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
