Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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