Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
