well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
