whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
