there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
